New Family

Rob and Melissa are off today, flying to Virginia Beach. They'll be meeting Mahmat's family, therefore Rob's family and Melissa's by proxy. Karim and his sister and assorted nieces and nephews. I don't think I'm too worried about it. How can they help but love him? He's the most wonderful person in the world. I can say that with equal truth about Zen. How can they both be the most wonderful person in the world? I don't know. They just can.

I am glad, though, that Rob will have this large extended family. That way, when I pass, he won't be alone. And Zen, by extension, if not by blood. Family is important. I've just never had the knack of hanging on to it. I'm usually looking to see what's in it for me. I'm pretty selfish, self-centered. It's helpful to know that upfront. Easier to combat it. Work around it.

I don't know, though. Isn't everyone, to a degree? Am I more self-centered than my next-door neighbor, who is currently drinking himself to death? We're both the same way, it's just him with booze and me with food. Maybe it's okay to be self-centered, as long as you don't live self-centered. Let other people come first sometimes.

I was talking with Rob yesterday, half joking that it was a major miracle that he and Zen survived me. I wasn't really joking. When I look back on the last half of my life, so much of it seems to have been lived completely un-self-aware, or self-control. Like I was one of those little balls in a pinball machine, getting hit and slammed from one event to the next, never looking before I move, never making a logical decision. Act/react. That was me. Still is, sometimes. I do not want to live the second half of my life that way. I want to be more Awake. Wake up!