Crisis

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that I've been in a state of constant crisis for the last several months. Physically. I have the very real feeling that if I don't get a handle on my eating, I'm going to die. Sooner rather than later. Almost constant exhaustion. Extreme pain in my feet and ankles. I'm trying to think, is that all? That is all. But it is something that is consuming my world. I just can't get a handle on it. I know that if I could lose some weight, any weight, it would make a very big difference in how I feel. But I seem to have an inexhaustible ability to rationalize binging. "I can eat chocolate if I don't eat chicken. I can have ice cream if I don't have chicken. I can have this if I don't have that." Which might work if I just stuck to it. Which I don't. I flip back and forth and end up eating everything. Right now I feel like if I eat anything besides soup, I'll drop dead right there. I don't feel like my body can process anything else. Liquid and soup, that's it. I'm so tired of feeling this way. The question is, am I tired enough to finally do something real about it.