Dream - night before last

I'd been killing children. And been found out. I don't remember all of it, but will write what I can.

There was no question in my mind about my guilt. I'd been killing children. I was absolutely guilty. I knew it. Remembered doing it. I was notorious and widely hated.

Somewhere toward the middle of it, I started switching identities with R.D. I don't know, I think maybe it was too distressing for even my unconscious mind to keep going with it.

Near the end the dream took a more comforting/fictional turn. I/we were being drugged, I/we hadn't done it, I/we would be vindicated, rescued, taken care of.

But that was a cop-out. I will never forget the early certainty that I had done it, remembered killing those children. It was very real.

When I woke, I had to lay there a minute, thinking, trying to remember, is this real, did I kill, what reality is this? When I was certain that I was awake, I tried to think what it meant. I've dreamed about killing before, but never about killing children. Never with this kind of certainty, explicitness, vividness.

I finally realized it was being shown to me in terms of children, so that I would realize that killing is wrong. The dream was meant to show me the reality of it, the evil of it, regardless of age or gender.

Simplistic.

I have no experience with the killing of humans, except in films/movies. I don't think I'd have a problem with it, as long as it was self-defense, or the defense of someone else. Maybe it would mess me up, killing someone, but I still think it's the right thing to do, to protect yourself. I don't believe in turning the other cheek.

But the dream was telling me not to take it lightly. It is something you can never take back.