Fear and Time Travel

I wake up and for about twenty minutes I am bathed in the sweat of fear and paranoia. I kept thinking someone might be in the house, not was, just might. Because of Rob worrying about me and the lunatic dog dumping neighbor earlier today.

Went on for a long time. I would lay there watching the doorway and the kitchen and would get up to check the house, but when I was halfway through my check, I would wake up and realize I was only dreaming that I was getting up. I was still lying in bed.

This happened five to ten times. Very painful. Thinking you're waking up and then not being awake.

The whole time I'm thinking that Zen is sleeping next to me. Not the Zen of today, but the Zen of years ago, a child. I was worrying about his safety, protecting him.

Finally, finally, I woke all the way. Got up, checked the house. Being actually awake I wasn't afraid at all. Cautious, yes, but not afraid. I know that the dogs will give me some kind of warning if they hear someone getting into the house. I know they will. And I have my cell phone with me.

It's like I said to Rob earlier today. You prepare for what can happen, then let it go. This was just a pain in the ass anxiety dream.