Loneliness

I don't know why I should be surprised. I have spent most of my life telling people that I want to be alone. Now that I am alone, which is presumably what I want, what's the big deal?

I do want to be alone, most of the time, that is. When I am with other people, I mostly think about being alone, about the things I can do when I am alone. But then when I'm alone, I am doing the same old, same old. Reading, watching t.v.,eating.

When I write I am not alone. I am not weak. I am not a waste of oxygen. When I write I am me.

I will not be afraid any more. I am writing and will continue to do so. If it sucks, it sucks. Sucky writing is better than no writing at all. Not writing is a failure I am no longer willing to live with.

I am meant to write and I will do so.