The San Diego Reader

is a weekly paper, free. You can pick it up almost anywhere in San Diego County. At least, you could some twenty-odd years ago.

I used to read the personal ads. Not the personal personals, the ones of men looking for women, etc. I was looking for a way out. Looking for somewhere to go that -- I was going to say some place different, some place real, and that's true to a point, but the bottom line is, I was looking for someone to take care of me. I wanted someone else to make the decisions. I never put it that bluntly to myself back then, but that's the truth of it.

Zendik Farm ran ads all the time. The wording would change periodically, but the sense of them stayed the same: Alternative lifestyle, men and women, environmental bent, call. I read those ads for at least three years before I got brave enough to call. Sick enough of where I was, how screwed up. Desperate enough to throw myself on the -- what is it -- the kindness of strangers.

One day, I finally called. And within a week, my life had changed forever.