alone

Rob and Melissa are going to Turkey in April. Zen and Amanda are going to Washington State in July.

Sometimes I feel really alone and desperate. I think that Rob and Zen feel the pressure of being the only ones that I can count on, they are my only support system. I need to write, to have that be my support system. Then I can love them and they can love me back without having that desperation between us.

I am going to stop stretching out in different directions. I need to focus on writing. Birds and dogs are important but writing has to be important also. Otherwise I'll never last out their lifetimes. My heart is going to give out.

I am going to finish that short story and look for somewhere to submit it. Also my poems. Work on my book as well. Even if nothing ever sells, it's the work that's important.